Laverne Cox’s breakup reveals politics does really matter when dating
Laverne Cox recently revealed she dated a “blue-eyed, blonde-haired MAGA Republican voter,” a New York City police officer, for nearly four years. Spoiler alert: it ended. And the internet collectively lost its mind asking the obvious question: Girl, have you lost your ever-loving mind?
What makes her story so compelling is the tension between personal connection and political identity. Laverne openly shared how she fell in love before knowing this man’s politics, tried to see his humanity beyond his beliefs, and hoped that love and empathy could bridge the gap. But as the years went on and political realities worsened, she faced the painful truth: some divisions run too deep.
Laverne’s experience is a warning side of love: how often do we ignore the signs because we want the relationship to work? How many times do we convince ourselves that love can overcome what, in reality, it can’t? Her story reminds us that while empathy is vital, it cannot come at the cost of our core values.
For me, politics isn’t just background noise—I can’t imagine ignoring fundamental differences or excusing implicit biases like Laverne did. Political beliefs aren’t just opinions; they reflect core values about justice, equality, and human rights. As a Black queer person, these values aren’t abstract—they’re about my safety, my freedom, and whether I’m seen and protected in a society that often wants to erase people like me. That’s why politics and identity are completely intertwined for me.
And that’s exactly why I am pictured on my Hinge profile with a shirt that proudly says, “White lives matter too much.” To me, it’s a direct challenge to the idea that whiteness should be the center of concern or priority. It’s a call to recognize how much societal power and protection whiteness still holds, often at the expense of others. If folks have an issue with this statement, I want them to swipe left.
My profile isn’t about closing doors but about making sure the right doors stay open—doors where shared values, respect, and understanding are the foundation. Dating is not just about attraction for me; it’s about aligning with people who stand for justice and equity.
When I see a Hinge profile that lists “other” for political views, I always ask about it. Sometimes, though, it just means the person is progressive but reluctant to identify with the two-party system, which, of course, has disappointed many of us. That nuance matters. It signals someone thinking critically about politics beyond labels, someone who might be open to meaningful conversation rather than rigid ideology, and at least calms my worst fear: they’re aligned to values of MAGA Republicans.
Laverne’s story, though, underscores something I feel every day: love is complicated, but politics and values are inseparable. We can’t pretend they’re separate when choosing who to invite into our lives. It’s a reminder that ignoring red flags doesn’t just hurt us—it can erode the very foundation of who we are and what we believe.
At the end of the day, Laverne tried to bridge the divide with love and empathy, but she didn’t—and couldn’t—compromise on her truth. I just wish it didn’t take her almost four years to come to that realization. Four years is a long time to hold space for someone whose beliefs fundamentally threaten your existence, especially when those red flags are waving so loudly from the start. It’s a reminder of how complicated love can be, but also how important it is to recognize when the cost to your own wellbeing and values becomes too high to pay.
But while it took Laverne four years to awaken to what was right for her, it doesn’t have to take that long for us. There’s a lesson for all of us navigating love in a divided world: some differences are just too great to ignore, and knowing when to walk away is part of honoring ourselves.
The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author alone. They do not reflect the opinions or positions of San Francisco AIDS Foundation. SFAF serves as a resource on new developments in HIV prevention and treatment, strategies for living well with HIV, and LGBTQ health issues. Our goal is to inform, empower, and inspire conversation.
