One mother’s fight for her trans child
Right now, trans youth are watching their fundamental human dignity get dismantled piece by piece, headline by headline, bill by bill, executive order by executive order. For a Bay Area mother of one trans, non-binary child, this nightmare isn’t new.
“Alex told us they were different at age four,” Angela began describing to me. Her child had been assigned female at birth, and like many parents, Angela found herself initially swept into a maze of traditional mental health resources that seemed to miss the heart of the matter.
“Everyone was obsessed with an ADHD diagnosis,” Angela recalls, her voice narrowing as she holds back the familiar frustration. “Even the mental health professionals kept mis-gendering my child. We’d go to these appointments, and it felt like they were looking at everything except what was really happening.”
The turning point came when they finally found a trans therapist. When Alex began transitioning and choosing they/them pronouns, Angela witnessed a profound change.
“Peace, calm, and joy just blossomed in them,” she says. “The difference was like night and day. It was so helpful to finally see my child discovering their sense of self. It made me wonder how any parent wouldn’t want to do anything in their control to see their child self-confident and self-expressed.”
Angela thought that, of course, living in the Bay Area, her community would understand. Even among Angela’s liberal friends, the journey wasn’t always smooth, but her focus remained clear: her child’s wellbeing came first. Today, Alex participates in Rainbow Club, their school’s LGBTQ affinity group, and they’re looking forward to attending Camp Indigo, a summer camp specifically designed for transgender, non-binary, and gender-expansive youth where they can simply be themselves without explanation or apology.
Angela’s found that people in her community still react with surprise and shock at some of the impacts of the current administration on Alex’s life–for example, when a recent executive order invalidated Alex’s passport. Kids are once again seeing their very existence turned into a political football, their fundamental right to be themselves reduced to inflammatory rhetoric with damaging policy changes. And adults can still be woefully unaware of the very real impact this has on the kids’ lives and those around them.
The statistics are heartbreaking. LGBTQ youth, particularly trans youth, face astronomically higher risks of suicide, depression, and social isolation. Each legislative attack isn’t just a political maneuver – it’s a direct assault on young lives. Angela refused to allow Alex to be another statistic. Intervention, starting first with fortifying her child with a trans therapist and supportive community, was necessary. Angela admits that there is still homework she must do to show up fully for Alex.
“It matters to educate everyone in their life,” Alex explains, “but what matters even more is how your kid feels. You can control how your kid feels in your house and with other people who help. Not only must parents give their kids positive examples but also parents need to build adult friends who are trans as well.”
Alex’s experience underscores the vital role parents and allies play in buffering trans youth from the harmful effects of discriminatory legislation and rhetoric. She has evolved into not just an advocate for her child, but a cheerleader for other parents beginning similar journeys. Her story illustrates how parental support can create a foundation for a child’s authentic self to flourish, and how that support transforms not only the child but the parent as well.
Adults watching may wonder, “What does this mean for me?” Understand that support for trans kids isn’t passive. Support is active. It means:
- Creating safe spaces
- Listening without judgment
- Believing young people about their own experiences
- Fighting for their right to exist exactly as they are
The stakes are brutally clear. This isn’t just about policy. This is about survival. When trans youth see headlines questioning their right to gender-affirming care, when they hear politicians debating their humanity, they aren’t just hearing policy discussions. They’re hearing that their experiences–their lives–don’t matter.
Again, the battleground for trans rights isn’t just in the White House, state legislatures or courtrooms. It’s happening in living rooms, classrooms, and the most vulnerable spaces of young lives. It happens in the moments you interact with them, and in what’s said as well as what’s not said.
