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5 Things to Know if You’re Going to Fuck a Trans Guy

By Niko Kowell 

Don’t play 20 questions

If you’re about to hook up with a trans guy, now’s not the time to ask intrusive questions about their body, hormones, name change or anything that’s not sexy.

Respect our decision if we want to use condoms

PrEP has changed the conversation around condoms, but condoms do more than prevent HIV infection. STIs may be more damaging to the bodies of people assigned female at birth, and some trans guys may be concerned about preventing pregnancy as well. 

We know our bodies best

Listen when we tell you what’s going to feel good, and ask about boundaries for our bodies and the terms we use to describe them.

We can be the top or bottom

Some guys love using their hands or strapping on a cock, while other guys want to bend over and take it in all three holes. Some of us may not be into penetrative sex.

Be respectful

Hormones and surgeries don’t make the man—respect how we identify regardless of our choices about surgery and hormones. It’s OK if you’re not interested, but never attack or demean us. Leave our dignity intact. 

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Niko Kowell is the Trans:Thrive program manager at San Francisco Community Health Center (SFCHC). With questions or comments, email niko@sfcommunityhealth.org. SFCHC is an LGBTQ and people of color organization providing a wide array of medical, mental health, education and community services. Find out more at sfcommunityhealth.org.

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